The New "Pink"

Meet Pink. He is a piglet that was born premature with his eyes still shut (apparently very abnormal for pigs) and was too weak and small to nurse from his mother. The owners decided to try putting him with their Dachshund Tink who had recently had puppies and see if she could nurse him. As you can see from the pictures, Pink,Tink and the rest of the litter immediately took to each other and the rest is history. The owner says Tink is very protective of her little pink puppy and licks him constantly. How sweet is that? I don't know if I'll ever be able to eat Bacon again (ironically enough after my last post).

The International Language of Bacon

Someone in my building at work, clearly feeling that the pictorial instructions on the hand blow drier in the bathroom were insufficient, added these remarks:
Genius. Oh that there were such a machine!

In The News

These are the men in my life. My work life that is. Remember the show my 3 dads? Well, these are my 3 bosses. I get to sit around a table with these gentlemen (among others) and watch as they engage in a bi-weekly a game of "Who is the Smartest?".



Though I joke, I freely admit that these men are all geniuses in their own way and I'm fortunate to associate with them. The exciting work that they do and have done is changing the world as we know it.




I saw this video clip from abc news and thought it was worth posting for those few of you science nerds like me who find this stuff interesting. It features one of the current applications of the device I slave away to build every day. This video is almost a year old, but as amazing as it is, this technology has come a long way since!

Something to keep in mind...

Ask yourself where your priorities are this election year.

The Plague

It appears that the plague is upon us! Just about everyone I know is deathly ill right now and I'm doing my best to avoid it. If you are currently sick, and are considering seeking medical attention, allow me to offer some advice: DO NOT GO TO THIS HOSPITAL

Appeared in a column by Richard Lederer, Ph.D., in the Journal of Court Reporting (REAL MEDICAL RECORDS)

1. The patient refused autopsy.
2. The patient has no previous history of suicides.
3. Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.
4. Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 lb weight gain in the past three days.
5. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
6. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
7. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.
8. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
9.The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
10. Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.
11. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
13. She is numb from her toes down.
14. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.
15. The skin was moist and dry.
16. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.
17. Patient was alert and unresponsive.
18. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.
19. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.
20. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
21. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
22. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
23. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
24. Skin: somewhat pale but present.
25. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.
26. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.
27. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.
28. Since she can't get pregnant with her husband, I thought you would like to work her up.
29. When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.
30. By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better.
31. Patient was released to outpatient department without dressing.
32. The patient will need disposition, and therefore we will get Dr. Blank to dispose of him.
33. She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in seperate directions early in December.
34. The patient left the hospital feeling much better except for her original complaints.
35. I will be happy to go into her GI system; she seems ready and anxious.

Glute work, Crepes, and Sugar coated wheat pillows

Presidents Day was an absolute breath of fresh air this year. One of the benefits of working for a University is getting all those little holidays off work. I felt so bad for Layne that he didn't get to enjoy the day with me! After a nice long sleep in, I went and got my massage that Layne got me for V-day. My therapist James, a strapping Alaskan lad fresh out of massage therapy school worked me over for 50 minutes. I had only a few complaints. 1) A good massage therapist shouldn't talk. James was very nice, but he chattered on an on and asked a lot of questions that required a response. When I'm lying on that table with my face in a hole, I don't want to chat, I want to relax and listen to the Asian massage mix tape playing in the background. It's ok for a hairdresser, but not a massage therapist. 2) If you're going to talk, don't talk about the body of the person you're working on, even if it's to compliment them. It's just weird.
James: (while kneading my butt like dough) "You have a very good musculature, it rolls very nicely"
First of all, what does that even mean? Second, how does one respond to such a comment? Third, I don't want to hear the word "rolls" unless I'm being offered one, ESPECIALLY not while my clothes are sitting on a chair in the corner. James also informed me that I have a very straight spine and a nice bone structure. Uh, thanks? Is that how guys who are massage therapists pick up girls in bars? "Check out the musculature on THAT girl!" "Hey why don't you come over to my place later and we can compare spine curvatures." 3) A good therapist shouldn't have to be told more than twice that the pressure is too hard. I finally gave up, but I'm paying for it now. I think he may have bruised my left kidney. On a positive note, he opened my eyes to glute work! I had never really had it done before, and while uncomfortable at first, it was heaven!! If you've never had your glutes worked before, may I suggest opening your mind to the idea. Over 20 muscles join in that area so it's worth a little awkwardness to have done!! He also did a fabulous job on my neck and head.

That evening Layne and Kim and I went to dinner at this great little coffee house called The Greenhouse Effect. It's akin to Coffee Talk down by the Mesa temple if you've ever been. It was just a little hole in the wall with hardly anywhere to sit, where the granola people, aspiring musicians, poets and the intellectuals gather to discuss Immanuel Kant or reincarnation. So why did we go? Here's today's confession: I, Kelly Nelson, am hopelessly addicted to crepes. Not just any crepes mind you, good crepes! In the U.S. a good creperie is hard to find! This place specializes in all kinds of crepes, so naturally I was like a Dingo in a maternity ward there. I think I'm ready to make my voice heard about making Cesar Chavez Day an official national holiday so I can have another excuse to eat crepes. You can sign the petition here.

Speaking of food, yesterday I overheard a VERY amusing conversation between 2 co-workers (one German and one Indian --for anonymity's sake). The German had mentioned that his favorite cereal in the U.S. was Frosted Mini Wheats. The Indian hadn't heard of this cereal and a serious conversation ensued in which the German tried to explain the concept of Frosted Mini Wheats, beginning with a definition of the word "Frosted". It was completely comical. It ended (and the point at which I finally laughed out loud) with the German defining Frosted Mini Wheats as "sugar coated wheat pillows". Who doesn't love sugar coated wheat pillows? Needless to say I will never think of them the same way again.

One of These Things is Not Like the Other: Valentines Day, the Continuing Story

As promised, Layne had more up his sleeve V-day eve in the form of a reservation at swanky SLC restaurant The Metropolitan. He had done all his research on the place weeks ago checking out food, prices, attire and making the reservation. So we showed up at 6:00 in our business casual attire and were all ready for a fancy evening of fine dining. But from the moment we walked in we felt out of place, beginning with being a tad under dressed. What they didn't mention on the website was that they completely changed everything on Valentines Day. The worst of it came when we were seated and had a look at the specialized Valentines Day menu which offered only one 6 course meal option. Layne asked our waitress if the price at the bottom was for 2, to which she snootily replied, "No sir, that is the price per person." I think both our hearts skipped beats. At that price with tax and the 25% gratuity, dinner would cost at least $250! Layne, ever the gentleman, saw the look on my face and said, "It's ok, we'll be ok" even though I could see beads of perspiration forming on his brow. As I stared at the menu, instead of seeing 'Wild mushroom Couscous' and 'Lamb Sirloin' all I could see was 'plane tickets to AZ', 'iPod', 'new clothes', '4 lift tickets' 'weekend at a nice hotel' and 'car payment'. I'm pretty sure Layne was seeing the same thing. Every minute that we sat there became more and more uncomfortable as they sat other finely dressed couples around us (and by around, I mean practically in our laps). Perhaps our waitress sensed our desire to leave because she never came back. After nearly 20 minutes of sitting and stewing and feeling thoroughly embarrassed, we decided to quietly excuse ourselves through the velvet curtain blocking the entrance. After making the walk of shame to the exit however, it only got worse. Right outside the restaurant, in front of the valet guys and other couples walking in, I stepped on a patch of ice and slipped, feet flying over my head, and fell on my back. Lying on the frozen sidewalk surrounded by my purse barf, I felt myself at that fork in the road of "laugh or cry", and I decided to laugh. We proceeded to go to Pier 49 for pizza where we could nurse our bruised egos and my aching gluteous. We laughed about the situation and had a great time together!

Layne also got me a 1 hour massage at Massage Envy that I can't WAIT to redeem on my day off Monday. The best gift I received though was from a guy at work. I don't even know his name, but he comes to clean our office and empty the trash cans every Thursday. He's a big guy in his 20's with long hair and a full bushy beard who definitely has some kind of mental and/or social developmental disorder. He's very sweet (though doesn't bathe or change clothes often enough) and I think has taken a bit of a shine to me. He calls me "Trouble". He switches off speaking in either an over the top cockney accent or full on gangsta'. My conversation with him last week involved him asking my opinion which color he should dye his hair and beard, "Casper white, or dark purple". Difficult decision, I know. I nudged him toward purple. Yesterday while lifting up my feet at my desk for him to vacuum under them, he said, "It's love day. Here, have a purple rabbit." and handed me this gem,

after which he proceeded to go completely Mrs. Doubtfire with the vacuum to Rhianna's new song "Please Don't Stop the Music" blasting on his Walkman. Lets just say that some of his moves would get him escorted out of a stake dance. I was doing my best to hold it together during his little show for me while my co-workers were all purple with held laughter and on the verge of tears. After he left I told them that it was my Valentines gift for each of them. I think I'll keep this bunny on my desk to remind us all that some days you just gotta dance! All in all, it was a great day!

What a Man, What a Mighty Good Man!

Happy Valentines Day! I was awakened this morning with a kiss and to the smell of delicious food! Layne had gotten up at the crack of dawn to make me a big breakfast of his famous French toast, sausage, fruit, chocolate milk and grapefruit juice. I also was greeted downstairs by these beautiful tulips and treats and a very sweet card. All this and he barely got to eat himself before rushing out the door for work. He says there is more to come tonight! I can't wait! I hate being shmoltzy and sappy, but I just don't know how I got so lucky! Layne is the most thoughtful wonderful man and is WAY too good to me! I feel compelled to sing a few of the eloquent lyrics of Salt 'n Peppa.

What a man what a man what a man

What a mighty good man
I wanna take a minute or two and give much respect due
To the man that's made a difference in my world
I know that ain't nobody perfect, I give props to those who deserve it
And believe me y'all, he's worth it
So here's to the future cuz we got through the past
I finally found somebody that can make me laugh
(Ha ha ha) You so crazy
I think I wanna have yo' baby

So well put. I also thought in honor of the day that I'd post this slideshow from our wedding to pay tribute my wonderful hubby... and because his baby pictures are just so darn cute!! I don't know what happened to the music that is supposed to go with it. Anyway, Happy Valentines Day! I love you babe!

We're For Dogs

Hotel Nelson & The Body Bugg

Never have I lived anywhere where I have enjoyed so many guests! Everyone we know seems to end up in Salt Lake City for one reason or another throughout the year whether it be for skiing, business, general conference, or just passing through. We've had over 10 guests at Hotel Nelson since we moved in 4 months ago. This is not meant as a complaint by any stretch, in fact, we love being able to see all our friends and family without ever having to leave home! This past weekend we enjoyed having dad Flaherty visit on business. It was so fun just having him around, though we wish mom could've been here too. It was a very busy weekend as Layne and I both had to speak in church and we had the worldwide broadcast to attend Saturday and additional meetings on Sunday, but dad was busy too so it worked out. He attended a convention of sorts Friday and Saturday introducing him to a program that will really add something to his real estate business. He shared some of it with us and it's a pretty exciting concept that Layne and I are definitely going to look into. Interested in paying off your 30 yr. mortgage in 10 years without writing any additional checks to principal? I thought so. Watch this 10 minute video clip and see if you're not intrigued!

Layne's trainer at the gym suggested that he get this thing called the Body Bugg. My Beehive advisor is a personal trainer and I saw her wearing one yesterday. She swears by it. They're pretty expensive, but the concept is really quite cool. You wear it on your upper arm and it tells you with 99% accuracy how many calories your body burns each day. You plug it in to your computer and it calculates how many calories you should consume to lose weight, taking the guess work out of dieting. That sounds like it would be good information to know. Does anyone have any experience with these things?

Pirate Rant

The school newspaper at my alma mater East Carolina University had a great section called the "Pirate Rant". Students could write a short rant about anything and submit it to the paper. It was everyone's favorite to read and people got really creative and clever with some of their rants. I never wrote one, but I suppose it's never too late, so I'm about to write my first Pirate Rant. The topic: Phoenix Suns Acquisition of "The Big Worthless" aka Shaq.
If ever anyone was has been, it's this man. Not only is he fat, slow and injury prone, but he's only going to go downhill from here. He doesn't fit with the Suns run 'n gun system, and all our players are going to have to adjust to playing a different style to accommodate this lug in the middle of a potential championship run season!!! In addition to being a waste of money, Shaq is looking for a piggy back ride to another championship before he retires. I have no respect for players who move around trying to ride the gravy train (are you listening Karl Malone and Gary Payton?). Our guys have worked too hard to now have to drag his big worthless $20 MILLION dollar butt through the rest of the season. When you make a trade, it's supposed to either give your team a shot at a championship now, build for the future, or free up some cash. This trade does NONE of those things!
I won't even go into how I feel about Shawn Marion being traded for this clod. He has long been one of my favorite players in the NBA, and one of the most talented and under rated players that has ever played the game. He does everything, and gives 100% every night. I will sorely miss seeing his high flying dunks after catching a long pass from Nash. My heart is breaking at the thought!! I have to stop. I don't want my co-workers to see me crying...

Super Tuesday & A Question Answered

Happy Super Tuesday everyone! I hope you're all exercising the right to vote! I thought I'd post a little equal opportunity candidate razzing to remind us all that there are more important things than who wins the election. Is it important? Absolutely, no question. But is it really worth all the arguing and fighting and name calling? I personally am quickly tiring of listening to people go at each other's throats over the election. So relax, cast your vote, and may the best man or woman for the job win!

KFC in New York State. OUCH!

Caught napping during the State of the Union Address. He might not be the next President, but he could run for Bishop of a ward somewhere...

Good ole Mitt Romney modeling underwear in a 1971 Sears Catalog.

Jewish? Trade in your Yamekah for the new Obamakah.

Every now and again, I am asked a question to which I should know the answer, but don't. You've all heard these questions; "What blood type are you?", "When is your parent's anniversary?", "What is your IQ?", "How much money will you get from your husband's life insurance policy if he dies?" -- OK I'm kidding about the last one. ANYWAY, I decided to finally find out the answer to one of those questions today. At lunch, a bunch of us took an IQ test here at the U. If I've taken one before, I don't remember doing it, or what my score was. Anyway, this time I scored a 127. The distribution curve puts me in the "Gifted" (not Genius -- no shock there) range with the National average being around 110. My IQ "type" is Insightful Linguist. What on earth is that you ask? Here are some of the things they said,

"You are gifted with the natural fluency of a writer and the visual and spatial strengths of an artist. Those skills contribute to your creative and expressive mind. You can take complex concepts and articulate them to just about anyone. You have a gift with words and insight into processes and the way people think. These talents enable you to explain things clearly to people. You have an uncanny ability to work your way out of sticky situations using your talent with words. Crossword puzzles, debates — you're particularly well equipped to come out on top since you can read people well."

I was starting to feel pretty good about myself until it listed Helen Keller as an example of an Insightful Linguist. It also compared me to Charles Dickens so I guess it's not so bad. Anyway, I now have one more answer to those pesky questions. For good or bad, I'm a 127! What are you? ;)

U23D & "When I am rich..."

Layne and I enjoyed the company of our friend Jarrod Shobe and his girlfriend Glad, both visiting from Yale Law School this weekend. They were lured out by the snow and fabulous skiing that we're enjoying right now! Layne hit the slopes with them Saturday, but I HAD to stay home and do stuff for my calling and begin prep on the talk I was just asked to give next week. Layne made it a lot easier for me to sacrifice a day on the slopes for church stuff by agreeing that I could use what I would've spent on a lift ticket to get some new shoes. :) After they got back we went out to eat and saw the U23D show at the IMAX. It was REALLY cool! It's almost like being there! Layne and I saw them in Atlanta while on the Vertigo tour (which is what the show is from) and it really threw us back. If you like U2 at all, it's a must see! Yesterday after a big fast Sunday meal we watched what was left of the Superbowl. I admit that I ALWAYS like to see the underdog win.

I know I am always saying things that begin with the phrase "when I'm rich...", so I should probably just start a segment on my blog under that name since I'm always thinking of things I want to do or buy when money is no issue. I say "when" because Layne assures me that it is only a matter of time until he's a guest on Donny Deutsch. One of the things I want to have lots of when I'm rich is art. I love art in all it's forms, paintings, sculptures, photography etc. My mom volunteered to do art masterpiece at my elementary school for years. Maybe I got it from her. Regardless, I love all things creative and beautiful, even if it is simple. With that in mind I share the following entries for a contest at the Hirshorn Modern Art Gallery in D.C. The only rule was that the artist could only use one piece of paper. I didn't include them all but how awesome are these? I would totally buy one...if money weren't an issue...

A Day Unlike Any Other

This morning started out with a huge snow storm that prevented me from getting to work. After about an hour of waiting, it started to clear up in the valley, but not up by the U., so I decided to take the opportunity to take the Trax downtown and attend President Hinckley's viewing at the conference center along with 21,000 others during the course of the day. I had planned to go this afternoon at lunch, or right after work, but had I waited, I'd have ended up in a line of thousands, which you can see a news clip of here. As it was, it took me about half an hour to get through the existing line which probably had a thousand in it, but it was the best time I could have possibly spent today, or any day for that matter.
The line took us through the main hall of the conference center, up the escalators to the 3rd floor and into the hall of the prophets. There was such reverence there. Even the small children and babies were quiet and reflective as we waited to enter the room. After walking past the busts of previous prophets and the paintings of the 12 apostles and the 1st presidency, I got my first glimpse of the casket. Seeing it prompted a knee jerk reaction and I started getting a little misty eyed. Every time I've been to a viewing, it's been for a beloved family member, the last of which was my grandpa, so those feelings came flooding back to me as I approached. But when I saw him lying there in his temple clothes with a sweet expression on his face, all the sadness left and was replaced with gratitude and peace. As I took a few moments to gaze, I could hear his voice in my mind repeating the words, "...the time has come to stand a little taller, to lift your eyes and stretch your mind to a greater comprehension and understanding of the grand millennial mission of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. This is a season to be strong...to move forward without hesitation...to do what is right regardless of the consequences that might follow...". Inspired words. There was a great deal more that I felt during my "visit with the prophet" today, but suffice it to say that I've had only a few "thin veil" experiences in my life, and this was definitely one of them. My sister attended the day before and she can attest to the same feeling. I couldn't post this video clip on my blog, but I suggest watching it here It's a news clip of the viewing where you can see what it looked like. By the time I made it out, there were probably 2,000 more people outside the conference center in the freezing cold line. However, after that experience, I'm certain I would have waited all day to be able to see him, feel what was there, and say thank you.