The New "Pink"

Meet Pink. He is a piglet that was born premature with his eyes still shut (apparently very abnormal for pigs) and was too weak and small to nurse from his mother. The owners decided to try putting him with their Dachshund Tink who had recently had puppies and see if she could nurse him. As you can see from the pictures, Pink,Tink and the rest of the litter immediately took to each other and the rest is history. The owner says Tink is very protective of her little pink puppy and licks him constantly. How sweet is that? I don't know if I'll ever be able to eat Bacon again (ironically enough after my last post).

The International Language of Bacon

Someone in my building at work, clearly feeling that the pictorial instructions on the hand blow drier in the bathroom were insufficient, added these remarks:
Genius. Oh that there were such a machine!

In The News

These are the men in my life. My work life that is. Remember the show my 3 dads? Well, these are my 3 bosses. I get to sit around a table with these gentlemen (among others) and watch as they engage in a bi-weekly a game of "Who is the Smartest?".



Though I joke, I freely admit that these men are all geniuses in their own way and I'm fortunate to associate with them. The exciting work that they do and have done is changing the world as we know it.




I saw this video clip from abc news and thought it was worth posting for those few of you science nerds like me who find this stuff interesting. It features one of the current applications of the device I slave away to build every day. This video is almost a year old, but as amazing as it is, this technology has come a long way since!

Something to keep in mind...

Ask yourself where your priorities are this election year.

The Plague

It appears that the plague is upon us! Just about everyone I know is deathly ill right now and I'm doing my best to avoid it. If you are currently sick, and are considering seeking medical attention, allow me to offer some advice: DO NOT GO TO THIS HOSPITAL

Appeared in a column by Richard Lederer, Ph.D., in the Journal of Court Reporting (REAL MEDICAL RECORDS)

1. The patient refused autopsy.
2. The patient has no previous history of suicides.
3. Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.
4. Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 lb weight gain in the past three days.
5. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
6. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
7. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.
8. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
9.The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
10. Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.
11. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
13. She is numb from her toes down.
14. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.
15. The skin was moist and dry.
16. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.
17. Patient was alert and unresponsive.
18. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.
19. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.
20. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
21. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
22. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
23. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
24. Skin: somewhat pale but present.
25. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.
26. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.
27. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.
28. Since she can't get pregnant with her husband, I thought you would like to work her up.
29. When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.
30. By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better.
31. Patient was released to outpatient department without dressing.
32. The patient will need disposition, and therefore we will get Dr. Blank to dispose of him.
33. She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in seperate directions early in December.
34. The patient left the hospital feeling much better except for her original complaints.
35. I will be happy to go into her GI system; she seems ready and anxious.

Glute work, Crepes, and Sugar coated wheat pillows

Presidents Day was an absolute breath of fresh air this year. One of the benefits of working for a University is getting all those little holidays off work. I felt so bad for Layne that he didn't get to enjoy the day with me! After a nice long sleep in, I went and got my massage that Layne got me for V-day. My therapist James, a strapping Alaskan lad fresh out of massage therapy school worked me over for 50 minutes. I had only a few complaints. 1) A good massage therapist shouldn't talk. James was very nice, but he chattered on an on and asked a lot of questions that required a response. When I'm lying on that table with my face in a hole, I don't want to chat, I want to relax and listen to the Asian massage mix tape playing in the background. It's ok for a hairdresser, but not a massage therapist. 2) If you're going to talk, don't talk about the body of the person you're working on, even if it's to compliment them. It's just weird.
James: (while kneading my butt like dough) "You have a very good musculature, it rolls very nicely"
First of all, what does that even mean? Second, how does one respond to such a comment? Third, I don't want to hear the word "rolls" unless I'm being offered one, ESPECIALLY not while my clothes are sitting on a chair in the corner. James also informed me that I have a very straight spine and a nice bone structure. Uh, thanks? Is that how guys who are massage therapists pick up girls in bars? "Check out the musculature on THAT girl!" "Hey why don't you come over to my place later and we can compare spine curvatures." 3) A good therapist shouldn't have to be told more than twice that the pressure is too hard. I finally gave up, but I'm paying for it now. I think he may have bruised my left kidney. On a positive note, he opened my eyes to glute work! I had never really had it done before, and while uncomfortable at first, it was heaven!! If you've never had your glutes worked before, may I suggest opening your mind to the idea. Over 20 muscles join in that area so it's worth a little awkwardness to have done!! He also did a fabulous job on my neck and head.

That evening Layne and Kim and I went to dinner at this great little coffee house called The Greenhouse Effect. It's akin to Coffee Talk down by the Mesa temple if you've ever been. It was just a little hole in the wall with hardly anywhere to sit, where the granola people, aspiring musicians, poets and the intellectuals gather to discuss Immanuel Kant or reincarnation. So why did we go? Here's today's confession: I, Kelly Nelson, am hopelessly addicted to crepes. Not just any crepes mind you, good crepes! In the U.S. a good creperie is hard to find! This place specializes in all kinds of crepes, so naturally I was like a Dingo in a maternity ward there. I think I'm ready to make my voice heard about making Cesar Chavez Day an official national holiday so I can have another excuse to eat crepes. You can sign the petition here.

Speaking of food, yesterday I overheard a VERY amusing conversation between 2 co-workers (one German and one Indian --for anonymity's sake). The German had mentioned that his favorite cereal in the U.S. was Frosted Mini Wheats. The Indian hadn't heard of this cereal and a serious conversation ensued in which the German tried to explain the concept of Frosted Mini Wheats, beginning with a definition of the word "Frosted". It was completely comical. It ended (and the point at which I finally laughed out loud) with the German defining Frosted Mini Wheats as "sugar coated wheat pillows". Who doesn't love sugar coated wheat pillows? Needless to say I will never think of them the same way again.

One of These Things is Not Like the Other: Valentines Day, the Continuing Story

As promised, Layne had more up his sleeve V-day eve in the form of a reservation at swanky SLC restaurant The Metropolitan. He had done all his research on the place weeks ago checking out food, prices, attire and making the reservation. So we showed up at 6:00 in our business casual attire and were all ready for a fancy evening of fine dining. But from the moment we walked in we felt out of place, beginning with being a tad under dressed. What they didn't mention on the website was that they completely changed everything on Valentines Day. The worst of it came when we were seated and had a look at the specialized Valentines Day menu which offered only one 6 course meal option. Layne asked our waitress if the price at the bottom was for 2, to which she snootily replied, "No sir, that is the price per person." I think both our hearts skipped beats. At that price with tax and the 25% gratuity, dinner would cost at least $250! Layne, ever the gentleman, saw the look on my face and said, "It's ok, we'll be ok" even though I could see beads of perspiration forming on his brow. As I stared at the menu, instead of seeing 'Wild mushroom Couscous' and 'Lamb Sirloin' all I could see was 'plane tickets to AZ', 'iPod', 'new clothes', '4 lift tickets' 'weekend at a nice hotel' and 'car payment'. I'm pretty sure Layne was seeing the same thing. Every minute that we sat there became more and more uncomfortable as they sat other finely dressed couples around us (and by around, I mean practically in our laps). Perhaps our waitress sensed our desire to leave because she never came back. After nearly 20 minutes of sitting and stewing and feeling thoroughly embarrassed, we decided to quietly excuse ourselves through the velvet curtain blocking the entrance. After making the walk of shame to the exit however, it only got worse. Right outside the restaurant, in front of the valet guys and other couples walking in, I stepped on a patch of ice and slipped, feet flying over my head, and fell on my back. Lying on the frozen sidewalk surrounded by my purse barf, I felt myself at that fork in the road of "laugh or cry", and I decided to laugh. We proceeded to go to Pier 49 for pizza where we could nurse our bruised egos and my aching gluteous. We laughed about the situation and had a great time together!

Layne also got me a 1 hour massage at Massage Envy that I can't WAIT to redeem on my day off Monday. The best gift I received though was from a guy at work. I don't even know his name, but he comes to clean our office and empty the trash cans every Thursday. He's a big guy in his 20's with long hair and a full bushy beard who definitely has some kind of mental and/or social developmental disorder. He's very sweet (though doesn't bathe or change clothes often enough) and I think has taken a bit of a shine to me. He calls me "Trouble". He switches off speaking in either an over the top cockney accent or full on gangsta'. My conversation with him last week involved him asking my opinion which color he should dye his hair and beard, "Casper white, or dark purple". Difficult decision, I know. I nudged him toward purple. Yesterday while lifting up my feet at my desk for him to vacuum under them, he said, "It's love day. Here, have a purple rabbit." and handed me this gem,

after which he proceeded to go completely Mrs. Doubtfire with the vacuum to Rhianna's new song "Please Don't Stop the Music" blasting on his Walkman. Lets just say that some of his moves would get him escorted out of a stake dance. I was doing my best to hold it together during his little show for me while my co-workers were all purple with held laughter and on the verge of tears. After he left I told them that it was my Valentines gift for each of them. I think I'll keep this bunny on my desk to remind us all that some days you just gotta dance! All in all, it was a great day!

What a Man, What a Mighty Good Man!

Happy Valentines Day! I was awakened this morning with a kiss and to the smell of delicious food! Layne had gotten up at the crack of dawn to make me a big breakfast of his famous French toast, sausage, fruit, chocolate milk and grapefruit juice. I also was greeted downstairs by these beautiful tulips and treats and a very sweet card. All this and he barely got to eat himself before rushing out the door for work. He says there is more to come tonight! I can't wait! I hate being shmoltzy and sappy, but I just don't know how I got so lucky! Layne is the most thoughtful wonderful man and is WAY too good to me! I feel compelled to sing a few of the eloquent lyrics of Salt 'n Peppa.

What a man what a man what a man

What a mighty good man
I wanna take a minute or two and give much respect due
To the man that's made a difference in my world
I know that ain't nobody perfect, I give props to those who deserve it
And believe me y'all, he's worth it
So here's to the future cuz we got through the past
I finally found somebody that can make me laugh
(Ha ha ha) You so crazy
I think I wanna have yo' baby

So well put. I also thought in honor of the day that I'd post this slideshow from our wedding to pay tribute my wonderful hubby... and because his baby pictures are just so darn cute!! I don't know what happened to the music that is supposed to go with it. Anyway, Happy Valentines Day! I love you babe!