Utterly Defenseless

As you're probably well aware by now if you've read this blog more than once, I am completely and utterly defenseless against cute animals and babies. I got an email from a friend at work that had these pictures in it. The only text in the email read: Send this to anyone who says they have to get rid of their pets because they're having a baby. I know this is totally sappy, but as I said before, I am completely and utterly defenseless against this sort of thing. Besides that, I happen to agree with the overall message. Dogs, cats and children are more alike than not. They're M.F.E.O. (hint: if that acronym eludes you, you haven't watched Sleepless in Seattle recently enough). :)
It made me smile, so enjoy!

Noisy Neighbors

Layne and I haven't lived in an apartment setting for over 4 years, so I thought the days of dealing with noisy neighbors was over. HOWEVER, for the past few months we have been dealing with some of the noisiest neighbors EVER! I would rather listen to barking dogs or a rooster or lawn mower! At first light EVERY morning, the domestic disputes begin. Hours of arguing! They usually take it up to the roof which makes it impossible NOT to hear! I tried talking to them about it but they just ignored me. We'd complain to the HOA, but they're only seasonal visitors, plus I don't know if our HOA has jurisdiction over their particular residence...the pond around the corner.
Thats right. Our noisy neighbors are a flock of Canada Geese who live with the ducks in the pond by our house. You've never heard anything more loud and annoying than a big group of geese on the roof tops honking at eachother or fighting or doing whatever it is that they do for hours on end. It's especially bad for me because I hear everything. Even in the deepest of sleep I'm quite certain I could hear a canary break wind in Florida. They're pretty to look at, but that HONKING... OY VEY!

Disclosure, A Date Request & V8

Yesterday was a hectic day for me, starting with a panicked phone call late the night before from my co-worker explaining that she was experiencing a very serious exacerbation of her Multiple Sclerosis, and even if she managed to stay out of the hospital, it would probably mean that she'd be out for quite a while. This of course means a lot more work for me, which began with filling in for her in the morning meeting yesterday, and explaining (at her request) to all the dept. heads and employees about her condition and why she had chosen not to disclose it upon applying for the job. She had told me about it when I was hired, but no one else. It got a big discussion going about disease and disability disclosure in the work place. I didn't realize how many different and strong opinions people have on the topic. She is not a reader of this blog, but I know how difficult MS can be and I wish her well.

After the meeting I got a visit from the janitor I posted about a in February who gave me a purple rabbit for Valentines Day and did a little dance for me with his vacuum. Well, despite the fact that I've told him I'm married, he asked me on a date this Saturday to see Frank Caliendo perform at Kingsbury Hall. If you had been listening really hard, you could've actually heard my skin crawling. Of course he had to do it in front of 10 other people in the office. It was just a tad bit uncomfortable having to turn him down in front of everyone, especially since I could see them all smirking and exchanging glances in my periphery. I'm glad I have being married as an "excuse" because I honestly don't know what I would say otherwise. There is just something about this guy that gives me the willies. I can't quite put my finger on it, but if I could, I'd have to wash it off afterward. Maybe it's the fact that he wears the same John Cena pro wrestling shirt EVERY day. Maybe I'm just too picky.

Speaking of being picky, as I'm sitting here at my desk eating lunch, I feel moved upon to pay tribute to one of my favorite things. V8 %100 Vegetable Juice! Certified by the American Heart Association, 8 oz of this tasty beverage provides one with 2 full servings of veggies! Very few Americans manage to get the recommended amount of veggies into their diets, and this miracle in a can (or bottle) does it for Layne and I every single day! I didn't always love it so, and Layne used to gag at the smell of it, but after years of persevering and convincing him to "choke it down", he LOVES the stuff and probably drinks more than I do! It gives you energy and just makes you feel good. So give it another try America! It's NOT cold tomato soup!

April-Gowks

While April Fools day isn't really a holiday, it is celebrated all over the world (except by the Chinese who have condemned it as "a dangerous Western tradition", "an extremely bad influence" and a "Liar's Day". Thats probably just because they've been fooled so well in the past. There seems to be a lot of debate as to the true origins of April Fools day, but a general agreement that it is a relic of once common festivities held on the vernal equinox which began on old new years day (March 25th) and ended on April 2nd. In Scotland the custom was known as "hunting the Gowk" ie. the cuckoo, and April Fools were April-Gowks. I've participated in a few April fools pranks in my time, but nothing too big. Utah gave me a good April Fool's day prank in the form of another 4 inches of snow this morning, so I think thats enough for me this year. Anyone have any April-Gowks worth bragging about? Here's a look back on 10 of the most well known April Fool's day pranks and hoaxes. Happy Fooling!

The Swiss Spaghetti Harvest

In 1957 the respected BBC news show Panorama announced that thanks to a very mild winter and the virtual elimination of the dreaded spaghetti weevil, Swiss farmers were enjoying a bumper spaghetti crop. It accompanied this announcement with footage of Swiss peasants pulling strands of spaghetti down from trees. Huge numbers of viewers were taken in. Many called the BBC wanting to know how they could grow their own spaghetti tree. To this the BBC diplomatically replied that they should "place a sprig of spaghetti in a tin of tomato sauce and hope for the best."

Sidd Finch

In its April 1985 edition, Sports Illustrated published a story about a new rookie pitcher who planned to play for the Mets. His name was Sidd Finch, and he could reportedly throw a baseball at 168 mph with pinpoint accuracy. This was 65 mph faster than the previous record. Surprisingly, Sidd Finch had never even played the game before. Instead, he had mastered the "art of the pitch" in a Tibetan monastery under the guidance of the "great poet-saint Lama Milaraspa." Mets fans celebrated their teams' amazing luck at having found such a gifted player, and Sports Illustrated was flooded with requests for more information. But in reality this legendary player only existed in the imagination of the author of the article, George Plimpton.

The Taco Liberty Bell

In 1996 the Taco Bell Corporation announced that it had bought the Liberty Bell and was renaming it the Taco Liberty Bell. Hundreds of outraged citizens called the National Historic Park in Philadelphia where the bell was housed to express their anger. Their nerves were only calmed when Taco Bell revealed, a few hours later, that it was all a practical joke. The best line of the day came when White House press secretary Mike McCurry was asked about the sale. Thinking on his feet, he responded that the Lincoln Memorial had also been sold. It would now be known as the Ford Lincoln Mercury Memorial.

Alabama Changes the Value of Pi

The April 1998 issue of the New Mexicans for Science and Reason newsletter contained an article claiming that the Alabama state legislature had voted to change the value of the mathematical constant pi from 3.14159 to the 'Biblical value' of 3.0. Before long the article had made its way onto the internet, and then it rapidly made its way around the world, forwarded by people in their email. It only became apparent how far the article had spread when the Alabama legislature began receiving hundreds of calls from people protesting the legislation. The original article, which was intended as a parody of legislative attempts to circumscribe the teaching of evolution, was written by a physicist named Mark Boslough.

The Left-Handed Whopper

In 1998 Burger King published a full page advertisement in USA Today announcing the introduction of a new item to their menu: a "Left-Handed Whopper" specially designed for the 32 million left-handed Americans. According to the advertisement, the new whopper included the same ingredients as the original Whopper (lettuce, tomato, hamburger patty, etc.), but all the condiments were rotated 180 degrees for the benefit of their left-handed customers. The following day Burger King issued a follow-up release revealing that although the Left-Handed Whopper was a hoax, thousands of customers had gone into restaurants to request the new sandwich. Simultaneously, according to the press release, "many others requested their own 'right handed' version."

Planetary Alignment Decreases Gravity

In 1976 the British astronomer Patrick Moore announced on BBC Radio 2 that at 9:47 AM a once-in-a-lifetime astronomical event was going to occur that listeners could experience in their very own homes. The planet Pluto would pass behind Jupiter, temporarily causing a gravitational alignment that would counteract and lessen the Earth's own gravity. Moore told his listeners that if they jumped in the air at the exact moment that this planetary alignment occurred, they would experience a strange floating sensation. When 9:47 AM arrived, BBC2 began to receive hundreds of phone calls from listeners claiming to have felt the sensation. One woman even reported that she and her eleven friends had risen from their chairs and floated around the room.

Migrant Mother Makeover

In its April 2005 issue, Popular Photography ran an article titled "Can these photos be saved?" about how to remove unsightly wrinkles from photographic subjects. They chose, as an example of a photo that "needed to be saved," Dorothea Lange's "Migrant Mother" photo taken in 1936 during the Great Depression. Lange's photo is one of the most widely admired in the world. It wouldn't be an exaggeration to describe it as the Mona Lisa of photographs, and the Migrant Mother's stoic expression is what makes the image great. Nevertheless, the editors of Popular Photography erased her wrinkles, softened her gaze, and removed her kids, transforming her from an iconic symbol of endurance into a smooth-faced, worry-free soccer mom. Their readers were horrified, not realizing the article was a spoof on the way magazines routinely touch-up celebrity images to remove blemishes and wrinkles. Hundreds wrote in expressing outrage at the defacement of such a classic image. To which the editors replied: Look at the date it was published!

The Derbyshire Fairy

In late March 2007, images of an 8-inch mummified creature resembling a fairy were posted on the website of the Lebanon Circle Magik Co. Accompanying text explained how the creature had been found by a man walking his dog along an old roman road in rural Derbyshire. Word of this discovery soon spread around the internet. Bloggers excitedly speculated about whether the find was evidence of the actual existence of fairies. By April 1 the Lebanon Circle website had received tens of thousands of visitors and hundreds of emails. But at the end of April 1, Dan Baines, the owner of the site, confessed that the fairy was a hoax. He had used his skills as a magician's prop-maker to create the creature. Baines later reported that, even after his confession, he continued to receive numerous emails from people who refused to accept the fairy wasn't real.

Operation Parallax

In 1979 London's Capital Radio announced that Operation Parallax would soon go into effect. This was a government plan to resynchronize the British calendar with the rest of the world. It was explained that ever since 1945 Britain had gradually become 48 hours ahead of all other countries because of the constant switching back and forth from British Summer Time. To remedy this situation, the British government had decided to cancel April 5 and 12 that year. Capital Radio received numerous calls as a result of this announcement. One employer wanted to know if she had to pay her employees for the missing days. Another woman was curious about what would happen to her birthday, which fell on one of the canceled days.

Big Ben Goes Digital

In 1980 the BBC reported that Big Ben, in order to keep up with the times, was going to be given a digital readout. It received a huge response from listeners protesting the change. The BBC Japanese service also announced that the clock hands would be sold to the first four listeners to contact them, and one Japanese seaman in the mid-Atlantic immediately radioed in a bid.

I looked out the window and what did I see...

That certainly ain't popcorn! It's snow...again... I seriously can't believe that Jack Frost is paying the Salt Lake valley yet ANOTHER visit today. The first snow like this happened in September and here we are about 7 months later still getting it! Talk about a guest that has worn out his welcome!

This has turned out to be a week of all sorts of fun, starting with my car breaking down on Monday. I left work around 5:00 on Monday and got about a quarter mile down the road when suddenly my steering wheel completely locked up. I pulled over and assumed the "help me I know nothing about cars" position: turn hazard lights on, prop the hood open and bend over the engine looking completely dumbfounded. I called my mechanic and he told me it sounded like a fan belt problem. Sure enough, I managed to locate the shredded fan belt, and had to call a tow truck. Meanwhile dozens of cars (including co-workers) passed by without stopping which always feels nice. Finally one very nice young guy stopped and asked if I needed help. It was a sobering experience to realize that only 1 out of 5o people stopped to see if I needed help. Do I look scary or something? Perhaps the color of my car hurts peoples eyes. Perhaps I need to work on my helpless look. Anyway, over $300 later, my car is now fixed in spite of the tow truck driver who had the intellectual equivalence of a box of rocks and whose prior residence was most likely the corn field on the set of Hee Haw. I suppose I should look on the bright side of things. At least my car didn't break down today in the snow. At least my car broke down in a very convenient spot and not on the freeway in rush hour traffic. At least it wasn't my transmission or my engine that went out. It's always a helpful exercise to look for those little blessings in disguise. Why do blessings have to wear disguises anyway? If I were a blessing, I think I'd run around naked. Alas...I digress.

For mutual last night I took my hives to a shelter for battered women and children in downtown SLC with a bunch of donated items the ward had gathered. They learned what the term "domestic violence" means. Being there sure made me grateful for my wonderful husband and my loving father.

Speaking of my loving father, he sent me these thought provoking questions by comedian/actor George Carlin that gave me pause to ponder on some other important things. They really made me take a long hard look at my stance on certain issues facing our society today.

*Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant a lot like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?

*If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does that mean that one enjoys it?

*Why do we say something is out of whack? What's a whack?

*If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

*Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It's just stale bread to begin with.

*Why is the man (or woman) who invests all your money called a broker?

*When cheese gets it's picture taken, what does it say?

*Why isn't 11 pronounced onety one?

*If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted?

*If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

*I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

*Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen could look for them while they deliver the mail?

*If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?

*Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?

*Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards.

Playing Picaboo & The Ham Line

We had a lovely Easter weekend that just went by too fast! Friday night we drove down to Provo for my great uncle Fred Lisonbee's 90th birthday bash. They really went all out! He served his mission in Samoa so they had fire dancers (who nearly burned the church down) and all sorts of cool stuff. If I look as good as he does at 90 I'll be a happy camper.

Saturday afternoon Layne and I decided to get one last trip to Brighton in before all the snow melts. It was sunny and gorgeous and we had a blast! There certainly was no powder, but that meant it was perfect conditions for speed skiing. During our last hour on the hill we decided to time ourselves and see just how fast we could finish the run if we just bombed the whole way down. We rode the lift to the top of the mountain and using our mp3 player, Layne timed us 3 times. Since it was our last trip of the season, I decided not to hold back and went totally Picaboo Street, crouching, tucking my poles behind my back and pointing straight down. I made it from the top of the mountain to the bottom (from nearly11,000 ft. of elevation to 8,500ft.) in 2 minutes 30 seconds! If there had been no other people on the hill, I'm certain I could've done it in 2 minutes flat. Layne could never quite catch me, though he did get hosed up by people cutting in front of him a few times. It was the fastest I've ever skied and a lot of fun. It's nice to let the dare devil out once in a while.
Easter Sunday is one of those holidays when you really miss your family if you don't live at home. When we lived in North Carolina, Layne and I were adopted by the Holloman family for such holidays, so we never felt like we were missing out on anything. This year however, it was just Layne and Kim and I, but we tried to make the most of it. While there were no colorful eggs involved, I did put together a mean spread for dinner. Layne had gotten a gift certificate for a free 7lb Honeybaked Ham and Kim was a sport and stood in line for us for a half hour to get it on Saturday while we were skiing. By the time she made it to the front of the line, all they had left were 9.5lb hams (half a pig) so she paid the extra $15 and brought it home. She lovingly named him Bart, which I thought was perfect. On a side note, if you're the Honeybaked Ham Co., and only do big business maybe 3 times a year, and all you sell is ham, wouldn't you try really hard NOT run out by mid afternoon!? I mean come on, you KNOW that people want ham for Easter, so wouldn't you have like 4 refrigerated trucks filled with ham sitting outside the store the Saturday before? One would think thats a pretty simple business model right? Well, one would be wrong! There was a line out the door and around the corner ALL day (you'd think it was splash mountain or something), and of course they ran out of ham and people got REALLY angry. Fortunately we were not among those people thanks to my patient sister. In addition to Bart's presence at our table, we had pasta salad, funeral potatoes (we're in Utah now, what did you expect?), warm rolls, jello salad, sparkling cider and my favorite of my mom's desert recipes, cherry cheesecake. Yes, I was a busy cook on Sunday. And thanks to Bart (who was DELICIOUS by the way), we'll be eating leftovers for another week! All in all, it was a great weekend.

Oh and I had to post this picture my dad sent me of my little bro back at home being a good sport and hiding eggs for the kids. Way to go Dane!

Red Roux & A Book Review

Yesterday my co-worker had to take her dog to the vet first thing in the morning. She picked him up about mid day and he spent the rest of the day in the office with us. His name is Roux and he's a big red standard poodle that looks a lot like this one. Very sweet and friendly, Roux spent a great deal of the day with his head on my lap, nudging me ever so often to scratch his head or rub his neck. A lot of people were drawn into the office because they wanted to see and pet the dog. As I've mentioned before, there is quite an International variety of individuals around our office, and one guy who was particularly interested in Roux (pronounced Rue) happened to be Chinese. He came in, pet the dog, and asked what his name was. My co-worked told him it was Roux, to which he replied, "Loo?". "No, Roux" she said putting more emphasis on the 'R'. He looked back at the dog and said, "Oooooh Loo! Hi Loo! Good boy Loo!" She and I caught each others glances and immediately had to look away. As soon as he had left the office, she turned quietly to me and sang, "Deck the harrs with berrs of horry, fa ra ra ra raaaaa, ra ra ra raaaaa." I thought I was going to die laughing. If you've never seen A Christmas Story that won't make much sense, so I'd suggest you go rent it.

On Wed. I finished a book that I bought for Kim and I to read together during the long drive to and from AZ for my grandma's funeral. I've been getting a little tired of John Grisham lately so I decided to go a different route for this trip. As Angels and Demons is probably one of my favorite books of all time and The Da Vinci Code was also a great read, I thought I should give some of Dan Brown's other work a try. I'm happy to report that he didn't disappoint! While its impossible for him to top Angels and Demons, this fast paced political/science fiction thriller was a fun read complete with the cliff hangers and twists that Dan Brown is so good at. So if you're looking for a fun read, and have enjoyed Dan's other books, I highly recommend Deception Point.

Eating OUT

Tired of the same old sea level restaurants? Here's a new twist on eating out.

Dining in the Sky

Don't drop your fork!

The pianist & violinist aren't even strapped in!

The worlds first undersea restaurant opens at the Hilton Maldives Resort & Spa on Rangali Island 5 meters below the surface in the Indian Ocean.

Seafood anyone?

I'm not sure claustrophobics would enjoy this. Perhaps Prozac is on the menu as an appetizer.