Bedding Bandits

Layne and I had a lovely weekend starting with a couples massage at Massage Envy Saturday morning. The only difference between that and a regular massage is that they open the doors between 2 rooms. Layne and I were waiting in the relaxation grotto for our therapists to come get us when in stepped a 22 yr. old Nordic goddess. Long blond hair, fair flawless skin, perfect physique. In a honeyed voice she called Layne's name and they began discussing what areas he needed concentration on. I sat back imaging what kind of muscle bound Adonis would sweep into the room and pronounce himself my masseuse, when suddenly my stupor was disturbed by a raspy voice calling my name. I turn to the doorway to see...

Ok, I have to pause for a moment here. First of all, for what I'm about to say I blame in part to my undergraduate study of Psychology. We always did those word association tests where someone shows you a picture and you say the first word that comes to your mind. Well, call it habit, but I still do that in my head sometimes. So I'm going to share with you the first word that came into my head when I saw my masseuse, but I must warn that it may paint me to be either very shallow or judgmental or both, so please don't think me an awful person.
Now, where was I? Oh yes, I turned to the doorway to see...the troll! Bless this woman's heart, I'm afraid my initial reaction at her appearance could be blamed in part on the strapping Sweedish lad I had envisioned. Before I describe her, let me preface by saying that she was EXTREMELY nice, and definitely knew how to massage. Its just a shame that the texture of her hands was akin to a Brill-O pad (not to mention her longish unkempt fingernails), and she refused to use adequate lotion on my skin which created the sensation of being scrubbed down post radioactive waste exposure. The sound of her voice betrayed about 20 years of chain smoking. I'd probably guess her age at around 46, and she was about 5'3"ft., but appeared shorter due to moderate scoliosis or just really bad posture. She had bad teeth and a mullet on top and erred on the side of not enough (if any) makeup. She also had a nasty, rattling, croupy cough which interrupted the sounds of the Peruvian rain forest throughout the session. It became especially bothersome when I was on my back and got the cough in the face and smelled the breath! YIKES!! Try mixing in a Tic-Tac sister! When she wasn't coughing, she was giving me tips on all the great things I could find at the Dollar Store if I knew where to look. I think I've mentioned it before, but I don't like small talk during a massage. Anyhow, in that moment when I first laid eyes on this woman and my word association of "the troll" popped in, I finally understood why they chose the name "Massage Envy" for their company, and as I watched Layne with the poster girl of therapy, I felt myself coming down with a SEVERE case of it!
The psychologist in me has to wonder why this is. Why should I consciously or subconsciously care what this person looks like? Am I just shallow, or is there something else going on? What I came to conclude is that my reaction would have been the same if I visited a dentist that had bad teeth, a Dr. with poor personal hygiene, a hairdresser with an ugly do, or an obese fitness instructor. When we seek professional services, we want our professionals to emulate the benefits of their trade or at least present themselves in a manner that makes their customers feel comfortable. Is that far fetched or am I just completely shallow?

Yesterday was like Christmas in July (almost) when my very own St. Nick brought home a trunk full of goodies from work. Layne has really enjoyed working for Select Comfort so far, which makes me happy, but what makes me even more happy is discounted stuff! Every so often at the plant they end up with an excess of non-bed items (pillows, bedding, blankets, etc.) and have to get rid of them. First crack goes to the office staff, and yesterday Layne picked out a bunch of stuff. Among the things he brought home were: 2 Queen size 310 thread count sheet sets with pillow cases (retail $140 each, Layne paid $15), a queen size feather down comforter (retail $300, Layne paid $20), 3 different kinds of pillows
(retail $50 each, Layne paid $15), a summer weight queen size feather comforter (retail $200, Layne paid $20) and 2 gigantic rolling duffel bag suitcases with the handle which could each easily fit an adult inside (retail $120 each, Layne paid $20).
Thats about $800 of top quality bedding and merchandise that we only paid $100 for! It was so fun to strip off the sheets, pillows and comforter that we thought were nice before, and outfit our bed with all new stuff. In the future, when these employee closeouts happen, Layne will let me know in advance so we can give our family and friends a chance to get in on the action. Let me know if you'd be interested so I can share the good fortune next time! Few things make me quite as cheery as getting a really good deal!