Ear-itable

Yesterday stunk plain and simple. For me it started on Wed. night at mutual. We had a pool party with the girls and actually had a blast, as you can see by the picture of some of us doing the "Martha Washington" with our hair. However, during one of my trips off the diving board (trying to mount the inflatable Alligator) I landed hard with my head to the side, and when I came up out of the water, I could no longer hear out of my right ear. I figured I had just gotten a lot of water in it and I would use some Swim Ear drops when I got home. Well, the swim ear was no help at all. Neither was the hydrogen peroxide or olive oil. I decided to sleep on it and see if it cleared up over night. Unfortunately there wasn't much sleeping going on and at one point during the night I was seconds away from ripping my ear off in a fit of frustration and desperation. My remedy was to turn to my good friend WebMD for help. All signs pointed to needing to see a Dr. so I scoped out the closest clinic that accepts our insurance and went back to bed to toss and turn for a while longer. First thing in the morning after dropping Layne off at work (our Honda was being repaired) I called 10 different clinics to find one that had an appointment slot that wasn't 3 weeks away. Don't you hate that? I agreed to see a P.A. at 11:15 so off I went. He was nice enough (though very young and not extremely friendly), and after looking in my ear determined that my ear drum was very red and angry looking, and my ear needed to be thoroughly cleaned in order to see the damage and clear out any infection. And so began the 'Ear-rigation' process. For those of you who have never had this experience, allow me to describe it for you.
First I was dressed in a poncho and the nurse filled what looked like a bedpan with water, peroxide and some other stuff (probably eye of newt, toe of frog...). She then filled a gigantic syringe with her brew and whilst I held a plastic cup to ear, she proceed to SHOOT this stuff into my brain via the ear canal at terminal velocity. I swear I even felt it hitting the back of my eyeball. My only warning was, "You may feel some pressure and discomfort. Oh, and you may get dizzy and pass out." Great! Sounds like fun! Not only did we play this fun game time and time again in my right ear, but also in my left! The whole process took about an hour and a half. All the while the nurse would ask me how I was feeling, though I'm sure she could tell by the lack of any color in my face that I was swooning. She told me to think happy thoughts. Though I had planned on pondering the plight of the American Indian, I decided to give her advice a try. About 500mL into my bad ear however, I passed out. Good thing I was already sitting because I went down like a sack of hammers. I'm pretty sure that was my first experience passing out without the aid of drugs. They let me lay on the table for 10 minutes to recoup before we started up again. While I lay there listening as a nauseating version of 'Jumping Jack Flash' arranged for piano and flute wafted into the room, I wondered if that was what it felt like to be drunk. I've never felt so dizzy/disoriented in my life. I felt like Mrs. No Depth Perception from the old SNL sketch. If I had eaten breakfast it would have most certainly paid us all a visit.

After the flushing, I was given a prescription and was escorted out (they were in a hurry to get to lunch). I didn't make it very far before I had to sit down. My head was still literally and metaphorically "swimming". I made it to the in house pharmacy to pick up my prescription and had to sit down again. I made it to my car where I had to lean my seat back for 15 minutes before my attempt at driving. I've never had to focus so hard on the bumper in front of me before. It was a long, slow and scary trip home. When I got home I ralphed, and nearly fell down the stairs when I went to get the phone to call Layne. After that I ate some strawberries and grapes, had a tall glass of water (taking great care to keep it clear of my ears) and sacked out for 3 hours. I felt MUCH better when I woke up and was able to pick Layne up from work without swerving into oncoming traffic. I now know first hand just how much the delicate inner ear vestibular system controls our balance and spatial orientation! I'll never take it for granted again.

Oh, the other fun part of the day was the bill for our car repairs (a mortgage payment) and instructions that we REALLY need 4 new tires (another mortgage payment). Yippee!! With gas prices the way they are, you'd think the car would be making a better case for itself to stick around, especially since it's heard me threaten repeatedly to trade it in for a Vespa or this early model Segway.