The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational asked readers to take any word from the dictionary and change it by adding, subtracting or changing one letter and supply a new definition. People are really clever! The winners are as follows:
1. Cashtration: The act of buying a house which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
2. Ignoranus: Someone who is both stupid, and an a$%hole.
3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund which lasts until you realize it was your money in the first place.
4. Bozone: The substance surrounding stupid people which prevents bright ideas from penetrating.
5. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of obtaining sex.
6. Giraffiti: Vandalism, spray-painted very, very high.
7. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit, and the person who doesn't get it.
8. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you're running late.
9. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease.
10. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
11. Karmageddon: It's like when everybody's sending off these really bad vibes right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's a major bummer.
12. Decafalon: The grueling event of getting through the day.
13. Glibido: All talk, no action.
14. Arachnoleptic Fit: The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
15. Beelzebug: Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at 3:00 in the morning and cannot be cast out.
16. Caterpallor: The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.
The Washington Post also posted it's winners from another annual contest in which readers are asked to supply alternate definitions for common words.
1. Coffee: The person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted: Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.
3. Abdicate: To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade: To attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly: Impotent.
6. Negligent: Absentmindedly answering the door while wearing only a nightgown.
7. Lymph: To walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle: Olive-flavored mouth wash.
9. Flatulence: The emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been hit by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash: A rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle: A humorous question on an exam.
12. Pokemon: A Rastsfarian proctologist.
13. Oyster: A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
14. Frisbeetarianism: The belief that after death, the soul flies up onto a roof and gets stuck there.
15. Circumvent: An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.
Alright, lets have your new words and/or definitions! What would your entry have been?
Here are a couple I just made up.
Menstruation: The effort required for a man to pay attention to anything else while watching television.
Skepilepsy: A medical condition in which a person has serious doubts that they are really having seizures.
Chastreaty: A deal I made with my parents to save myself for marriage.
Uglee Club: A group of homely singers.
Splurgeon: A doctor who will throw in a face lift and breast augmentation with any wart removal.
Fattitude: Having no regrets about being overweight.
Slowdor: A heinous scent that gradually sneaks up on you.
Obliterate: Completely losing the ability to read.
Orchastration: What happens when a teenage boy chooses to play the viola over the saxaphone.
Asteroid: A sore on ones hind quarters
9 comments:
Okay, these are hilarious!!! You are so clever! I think I could sit here all afternoon and not come up with one! Im trying really hard to come up with one for "mortified" in honor of Layne...and its just not coming to me... okay...how about
Wortified- the state of being so embarrassed about the wort on your face that you refuse to be seen in public...?
hilairious(v) not being able to catch my breath from laughing so hard at this post...
You are too funny! Thanks for making me laugh!
I love all the words you made up but I think flabbergasted is my fave. It just makes sense to me
Look who is ready to join Mensa! You truly have the gift of clever. I copied and pasted it into an email and sent it to my co-workers and they LOVED it!
Haha! Those are great! and props on the creativity, you are hilarious Kelly!
beelzebug is my favorite!!! Truer words have not been spoken. And seriously you chose the wrong career, you should be a columnist or a comedian. love ya, miss ya
You’re hilarious! I haven't laughed that hard in awhile.
Oh my gosh....you are so funny! I was laughing so hard at beezlebug (reminded me of girls camp!) and circumvent! Where you have time in your ridiculously busy life to find such funny things is beyond me, but thank you....!
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